it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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