i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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