Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
