So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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