I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
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