Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
