My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
