She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
