Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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