Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
