i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
