duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
