I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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