I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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