Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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