i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
