she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
