his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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