her vagina looked like bernie madoff
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
