oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Come on in and take your pants off
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