i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
