mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Randomize
