Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
