2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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