Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
