The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
