im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
