i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize