Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
