Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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