God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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