I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
