I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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