nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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