ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
