shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
