Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
