I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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