More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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