'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
