Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
