last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
