I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
