My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He kissed a someone with a penis
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
