Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
wow bdsm is so cute
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize