I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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