Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
