i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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