who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
