i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
