I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize