I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize