There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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