hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
