I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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