My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
