I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
