I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
