Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
