Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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