found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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