I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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