No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
