you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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