You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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