Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
