I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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