Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize